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No Right On Red :: Nascar 2005
11.12.2005
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| "Uh, yah. Arizona Skin and Hair Hotline? My Redneck, hillbilly friends got drunk and made smores on my back hair when I was passed out. How do I get that shit off?" |
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| Just in case somebody needed a trani re-built, the rednecks brought Cletus along for the weekend. |
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| While Rich is still trying to figure out how to seperate the marshmellow and chocolate from his back hair, Mike goes to wash off his finger after checking Dean for Colon pollups. |
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| Would of been funnier had you guys painted his toe-nails in the style of the rainbow warrior. But that's still funny. |
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| Apparently, Colorado is also for light-weights. |
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| Julie wasn't amused when she woke up to find the drunk bastards had cut off half her leg for kindling the night before. |
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| "Shitter's full!" |
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| I don't know who this guy is, but I don't think I want to piss him off. |
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| I wasn't here, so these captions are going to be a little tough. I had better things to do, like... watching the grass grow. |
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| Pooper! |
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| Turd Cutter! |
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| Uh, the number 10 car? pretty blue. |
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| Uh, the number 0 car? Race Girl? That's appropriate all the girls are ever concerned about is the "Big O" |
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| The Smith & Wesson car shoots by. (That was too corny.) |
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| The cameraman apparently hasn't been laid in quite some time. |
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| Uh oh, Trouble on turn 4! |
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| You got one pissed off inbred redneck in car 61. |
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| It was probably the "Race Girl" car that caused this, huh? It's always a woman at fault. |
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| More hillbilly's show up to share in the anger and to talk shit. |
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| "Blue Leader? This is Red Leader, Orange leader fucked his car up. We're gonna need a tow truck out here." |
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| How many rednecks does it take to tow a race car? |
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| Getting back to our photographer's lack of sexual activity.... |
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| ..... |
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| ..... |
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Back to the action on the track....
They're still turning left. |
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| breaker 1-9, breaker 1-9, this is the bear in the air, sheriff Lyle Wallace at you front door, come on! |
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| "Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight? Da Dum, Da Dum, Da da da, Da dum." |
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| Well that blonde's got a poop shoot worth a 2nd look but the brunette, I think, might be olive oyl. |
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| What's the difference between cowboy hats and tampons? Cowboy hats are for ass holes. |
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| This friggin' retard was going around trying to get everybody to pet his imaginary parakeet! |
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| A cowboy and a Mexican are riding across the prairie. The Mexican stops, gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Buffalo come". The cowboy says, "Wow, that's good, how did you know that?" The Mexican replies, "Ear sticky!" |
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Marissa looks like she's just been rode hard and hung up wet.
Dean sees something shiny! |
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Chadd and Steph are going out ag..... Oh, no they are just frie... wait. no, they're going out again. No they're just fuck buddies? No they're giving it another shot.
MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MINDS! |
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| Cletus' pit stank was no match for the wretched stench escaping from Shadrock's asshole. |
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| Cooter! |
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| While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. |
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Mike and Enos were out hitting beer cans with 7 irons. After a while, Enos had to answer the call of nature. Spying an outhouse, he excused himself.
Mike waited for Enos...and waited, and waited. Finally, he looked inside and saw Enos stirring around in the outhouse muck with a stick. "Enos, what the hell are you doing, stirring in the shit?" he yells.
"I dropped my jacket down the hole, "he complains. "It's the one my momma gave me."
(You're going to love this!) |
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Mike shakes his head. "You're crazy ... you're not gonna wear that thing now, are you?"
"Hell no, "Enos assures him, "but there's a baloney sandwich in one of the pockets!" |
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| Isn't that the tow truck driver from earlier? He sings too? |
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| Crowd wasn't too enthusiastic when the band went into the Michael Bolton medley. |
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| "Listen, You yell Freebird one more time and I'm gonna come down there and kick your ass!" |
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| "karma karma Karma karma karma Chameleon" |
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| With the success of Brokeback Mountain, a gay cowboy movie, Hollywood has just announced the follow-up... "Strokeclit Valley". |
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| Mouse was bobbin' on some well-hung redneck she'd just met the night before and her mouth was stuck like that for two days. |
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| Somebody really oughta tell him that those girls are jail bait! |
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| It was pretty hot that day and Mike had brought his dog and he had tied it up under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer. About 20 minutes later a policeman comes into the bar and asks who owned the dog tied under the tree. Mike said that it was his. The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat." Mike replies, "No way dog's in heat, he's cool cause I got'im tied under the shade of the tree." The policeman says, "No! you don't understand; your dog needs to be bred." No way", Mike says, "dog don't need bread, he's not hungry, cause I fed him beef jerky this mornin". Now policeman gets mad and yells out; "NO!you don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!" Mike looks at him and says, "Go ahead. I always wanted a policedog!" |
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Let's call her Doreen.
"I met this guy last night, and I'm trying to find him". Jules asked what he looked like. "I'm not sure. All I have to go on is the buckle impression on my forehead." |
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| You might be a blonde redneck if... You think the last words to the Star Spangled banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines". |
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These two blondes were walking down the street and they came upon a compact.
One of the blondes picked it up and opened it.
She says, "Boy this picture sure does look familiar."
The other blonde takes it and opens it, and says,
"you idiot that is a picture of me!" |
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| A french kiss gone wrong? |
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Dear Tanya, Thanks for the hummer. Love always, Harry.
P.S. The rest of the band says "Thanks" too. |
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| I'm a nipple-pickin. And I'm a grinnin'. |
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| Wow! Dwight Yoakum looks like shit these days! Doesn't he? |
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| A little lick on the saltrock, er, Shadrock. |
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| This guy's doin' his Andrew Dice Gay impersonation with the cigarette, huh? |
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| I see he's got a wedding ring on. Must be from one of those states that allows same-sex marriages. |
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| Guess we know where Sally Jesse Raphael is now... Touring the Nascar circuit on the prowl for black guys. She's having a hell of a time finding any, though. |
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| Hey, There's one. |
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| Aw, back to the ass prowling... |
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| A little hint of a smile. |
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Enough of the "Ass" pictures!
Sorry Dean. I know you love Gordon. |
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There's something new... An Earnhardt on the wall!
Lord, I apologize for that right there. |
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| Is that "Crown Royal" with a "Coors Light" chaser? |
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| Oops! Caution flag. Piss break. |
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What does Nascar stand for anyway?
Non-Athletic Sport Created Around Rednecks? |
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