ImALumberjack.com - A gathering of fairly useless entertainment

	Rocklahoma 2007 :: Jackylstock 07.11.2007 Main Index
Okay, so maybe the greatest collection of antiquated 80's hair Band relics ever assembled decide to put on a festival in, of all places, Pryor Oklahoma. Does that stop us from going? No! Mouse and Wollert left at about 4:30 A.M. on Wednesday. Jim, Double D and I hit the road about 11:30. Here is their story. Dum-Dum! So we made it to Alba-quirky (Where Jessica buys her hair scrunchy's apparently), Mouse called us and said we had to get a picture of the Coors sign for Jeremy. Here you go J.
You look at New Mexico on the map and don't realize it is 400 fucking miles across. There's a reason they call it the "Land of Entrapment". We stopped for gas in Amarillo and realized there were worse things than being trapped in New Mexico.... Like being trapped in fucking Texas!
The further east we went the higher the gas prices and the bigger the fucking bugs. Mothzilla ate my snickers bar whole and then shit out the wrapper.
Jim tried to feed his candy to another Mothzilla but unfortunately had crept up on one with a peanut allergy.
Here's the luxury yacht parked at the gas station just outside Amariilo. If you are ever driving through the texas pan handle and feel like a quick 3 hour tour. this is the place.
18 and a half hours later and we made it to the festival grounds. It rained so goddamned hard that Mike put on a "24" poncho! Good thing Mike brought his bike. It would come in handy later. Not!
Home sweet home. This is before the masses started showing up.
We were camped just up the road from Hawkeye and Trapper in the Swamp!
Rockla-Fucking-Homa Baby! We are here. We are already drunk and it's wetter than Rollerboy's Levis in a traffic jam after happy hour!
Mouse Texting Jeremy - "omg hot and sweaty pray 4 me"
Mike and Chadd navigating the puddles and beer vendors. FYI - There was no free VIP beer on Thursday, we had to fend for ourselves and do like the "little" people and buy it. gasp!
Jim couldn't swallow his massive bite of corn dog due to his throat being bruised from him just deep throating that thing moments ago.
Rock of Love, baby! In the 3 seconds I had my toungue sticking out, 7 mosquitos landed on it.
One of the Gypsy Pistoleros whom I mistook for Iggy Pop. I made him sign the flag Iggy Pop anyway!
The rest of the Pistoleros. They were good guys. i was sorry we missed their set.
The Pistoleros played rock paper scissors to determine who would get to Tea bag Chadd first.
Kiss Army took the stage and were unimpressive. (That's a nice way of saying they sucked balls!) The best talent was Peter and he was under-utilized. Fucking Ace had to play all of his solos at half speed. Ass Clowns!
The one bright spot of the Kiss Army show!
Good shot of what the view from our "assigned" seats was like.
Jumbotrons on both sides of the stage.
A disappointing night at the festival was more than made up for when these guys took the stage about 100 feet from our camp. Dirty Penny Rocks!
Did mostly original tunes with some Motley Crue/Poison/ACDC/GNR/Skid Row covers. They fucking tore the joint up one side and down the other.
Tyno on Bass. hell of a nice guy. Check out their My Space page at www.myspace.com/dirtypennysucks
Mike, Trace and our camp neighbors enjoying the show. Girl on the left was our Rocklahoma Tanya. It made us miss her just a little bit less :)
Jonny Prynce on guitar. Not much to look at but he could handle the axe. Kidding! this guy was pretty! Nice soft lips too! :)
Binge Daniels on lead throat.
More Jonny. Too bad he's outta shape huh ladies? The only place this guy spends more time at than the gym is the tanning salon!
They even had their own groupies. They claimed to be 19 but looked more like 14.
Anyway, when Chadd offered to service them they said something like "OMG Like ur older than my dad Gross" and that was that.
Mike dubbed this guy Dr. Seuss. he was pretty much omnipresent and we had a good time poking fun at his dorky theatrics and wicked fashion sense throughout the week.
"Mike had one beer too many and had the wierd feeling where your hat just never seems to feel right. Chadd picked a fight with the only guy drunker than he was over who the greatest guitarist to ever walk the earth was.
Anyone sporting Zeppelin shirt automatically raises their coolness factor by a few notches, but add in the Bret Michaels bandana and pilot's glasses....
Neighbor Denise grabs a whiff of something sour and catches Mike dropping ass.
Us and Dirty Penny. Where did Chadd go?
There he is!
Friday threatened rain. Chadd and Jim made a run to the Wal-mart for rain ponchos and Slim-Jims. Oh, and Mr. Wizard taught us that humidity causes ice to melt really fucking fast!
Mouse sewed on the acid wash hole-in-the-ass jeans for Poison.
Mike wanted to rub one out before heading into the show to release some of his tension.
Check the boots. Right on! Do you think that is her natural hair color?
Chadd's got his dick-in-a-box!
Everyone needs an exit strategy right?
Poser Alert!
Just a shot of the empty stage. It was empty very often.
Another Mr. Wizard tutorial. Avon's Skin-So-Soft and painted beeds don't mix.
Suess sighting!
Chadd and Eddie
This chick had a full length neck-to-asscrack tattoo inked around Bret Michaels' actual signature. Stalker of Love!
The guy with the Ace tat flew in from Australia for the show. We thought we had a long trip.
These were fucking awesome! They would just drop 'em out and about so guys could take a piss anywhere.
Dirty Penny on the main stage!
Jonny's wireless pickup went out on him pretty early in the set so he was playing corded. Then during his solo he lost the cord. pretty embarrassing but they still rocked!
I'd say they were definately in the top 5 performances of the weekend.
Rock on Dirty Penny, Rock On!
This is the drummer for Greg Leon Invasion signing our flag. Dueling thumb kings
Mike is apparently "feeling up" an imaginary girl to his left.
The Bassist for Greg Leon and Captain Arizona!
Greg Leon himself signing the flag. If he looks pissed off it's because Chadd just gave him a toungue lashing for leaving Dokken. It brought up some bitter memories for Greg.
The bassist signing the flag.
White Lion takes the stage. Tramp had one of the best quotes of the week: "Where the fuck have you all been?"
White Lion put on a good show. They closed with Radar Love. That cover always bothered me so I went and took a shit during the encore!
Dave Manecetti brings Y and T to the stage. They fucking kicked ass! Although this was the first of many future instances where we all wanted slap the sound guy in the face with our dicks! We missed two solos early on before the sound guy got his shit together.
Greg Leon comes out and does the National Anthem. It was a little "over-done" and when I say "over-done" I mean that Jimi Hendrix was twiddling his fucking thumbs during parts of it.
We ended up partying with one of the Marines on Sunday night. Don't worry, we got pictures!
Mark Slaughter
He lost the glasses and started getting serious.
Slaughter still knows how to work a crowd. They put on a good show.
Mark Slaughter thinks he's Bono. But you know what, at that particular moment... he was.
I see something shiney!
Now it's over there!
Nope. Now it's over there!
A little bit older and a litle bit wiser, Mark let the crowd sing the high parts.
I think the only thing more absurd than the wetness and humidity in Oklahoma that week was Kevin Dubrow's weave. Cum on feel the noize!
Ratt took the stage and sounded great for about two songs and then Stephen Pearcy's voice started go out on him and he did a dead-on James Cagney impersonation the rest of the set. "How ya doin' Prya?, yah see, we're gonna Ratt-n-roll ya Prya, Yah."
Am I the only one creeped out by the satanic little demon with his eyes rolled back in his head in the bottom left corner.
Highlight of Friday. Poison put on a great show.
CC Deville, according to one of our neighbors, is a guitar god. Uh, What?
Finally, somebody saw what Mark Slaughter was pointing at.
Normally, I would say that anybody wearing a hat like that is Gay, But my boy Bret is a Steelers fan so I have to cut him some slack.
"Smell my finger!"
Poison brought the soldiers up on stage to get stoopid!
I'm running out of shit to say about Poison.
I don't think Poison was counting on the Marines to stay on stage the rest of the set. They wouldn't go away.
New hat, this one is not nearly as gay.
Doh! Guitar God alert.......... NOT!
Holy shit there are a lot of Poison pictures. Enough already!
Bret sportin' the Steelers shirt backstage in yet another hat. Do you think he has hair line issues?
Chadd and the Jiz-Pot girls. they thought he was hot. This proves that Oklahoma girls are not only slutty, they are near-sighted as well.
Devil horns sighting!
Chadd. how many testicles do you have?
I've got pictures mixed up because now Chadd is in a different shirt. Oh well, Fuck It!
They were driving people up to the venue from the campgrounds in a tractor. "Paddle faster, I hear banjos"
Want to see a magic trick? watch me make Jim's shirt grow sleeves. Abra.....
Cadabra!
Jiz-Pot sighting I can't remember what this guy's name was... Something like Insane Eddie or something. He was an ass clown!
He had the opportunity to give me Ratt mmet and greet passes and he didn't. I really wanted to meet James Cagney too.
Random grounds shots apparently. The stage from way back. That red and blue tent is the VIP tent. All the beer you can drink!
Um....
Inside the VIP tent.
She needs to move down at least one size.
Bang Tango on Saturday morning. This guy is Brian Johnson's bitch. he kept talking about how great Cinderella was and how they were a big influence but he never sang any. He was too busy doing bad Guns N Roses and AC/DC covers.
Speaking of Guns N Roses.... Steven Adler made quite a few guest appearances between blunts.
Do you think he knows he's old?
Bullet Boys! We heard Smooth Up In Ya! from the comfort of the VIP air conditioning.
Faster Meow Meow. One of the biggest disappointments of the week.
Ass Clown sighting!
Firehouse! The dude still has the pipes.
and the arm pit hair...
and the ability to point out shiney objects in the crowd.
"Just put your horns in the air, and point 'em like you just don't care."
The Army chopper would buzz the tower everyday during the national Anthem.
That's me in one of Bret Michaels' cowboy hats that he gave me as a momento after he blew me.
Concert Tickets: $300.00 Arizona Flag: $40.00 Black Sharpie Marker: $3.00
Getting your picture taken with a midget while wearing a "I Love Midget Porn" shirt: Fucking Priceless!
"Bring me Solo and the Wookiee. They will all suffer for this outrage."
This guy was great. Every day he had on some outrageous outfit. The guy in the spandex was pretty funny too.
Skid Row kicked ass!
One of the brightest spots of the week and certainly one of the biggest surprises.
Sebastian who?
It was difficult for some of the bands that played during the day to get the crowd going because many were seeking the air-conditioning or at least shade. Skid Row had no problem rockin' the house under the risin' sun.
When did cowboy hats become such a staple in rock?
Me, before coffee in the morning.
The race is over, Wollert has joined the party!
West Side!!
Drunken partiers must try on the mullet wig.
Major Babe and Leutinant Legs! Mike, stand up!
"Dude, I'm like... so wasted!"
Rockin' with Dokken Baby. Mike and I were at the stage for this set. Mike wasn't happy about having to blow the security guy, but it was worth it!
Mick Brown on skins One of the two original members.
"In my dreams...."
Dream Warrior?
Don was in a great mood and although he has lost a bit of his range, he can still hold his own on a boom stick!
Vince Neil is a fucking Tool! The son of a bitch came out and basically hummed a bunch of Crüe songs and then left the stage for 20 minutes while his guitarist did Zeppelin covers! Fuck Vince Neil! We left early. All of us but Jim that is. Jim thinks Vince is "dreamy"!
The sad thing is... Vince seemed sober. I was chatting with the guys from Hollywood Roses later and they said that he has been performing like that for the past couple of years to conserve his voice. Fuck that! I was insulted and I'm certain that bands that opened for him feel disrespected as well.
Devil horns sighting!
Can you guess where we are?
Fucking guy in the back looks like the dude from Terminator 2.
Mouse has made some new friends Still don't know where we are? Here's a hint....
Seuss is there. and wherever Seuss is, so is.....
Dirty Penny!
Spanky's ass crack.
A couple of promo shots from the Rocklahoma gig.
and in an artsy-fartsy black and white.
That's alot of fucking beer. I received a thank you letter from Catch The Fever Festivals stating that 598 half barrels of Miller Lite were consumed by the VIPers as well as 3 semi trailers full of food!
Steel=Fuckin-Heart Rocked!
The poor guys girlfriend made him grow his own leash.
This was a great perfomance on Sunday. Many were becoming a bit depressed that the weekend was almost over and Steelheart made us forget that.
These are still out of order. Damn It!
That guy is certain to get sunburned on that dome!
Singing out amongst the crowd was becoming a theme.
There's that leash. When the GF wasn't around he used it as a weapon.
It took almost an hour and a half for Great White to take the stage. They had to fire proof the entire set before they came out apparently.
Great White brought out Jani Lane from the original Warrant for a couple songs.
L.A. Guns.was another very pleasant surprise. The new singer Tracii has brought on is great and their set was friggin' awesome.
Paul Black
They brought up a hundred or so fans on the stage for Ballad of Jayne.
Bear with me. Lots of "Guns" pics.
More of the fans on stage.
Tracii has not lost a step. He was shredding.
Think the drummer is having a good time?
Looks like he is doing his Lars impersonation.
Cool pic of Mr. Guns in front of the fog machine.
This little rocker was ready for Jackylstock!
Jesse is the man. They put on one hell of a show!
I stand alone today!
Playing the national anthem by humming into the strings. Fucking priceless!
I'm a lumberjack Baby!
Lots of Jackyl pics too!
Punisher!
More pics out of order. He didn't do the Anthem twice.
Great pic!
Geoff Tate and Queensryche were awesome!
Although Chris DeGarmo is no longer with the band. Their new guitarist was no poser.
Devil horns sighting!
A freshly shaven Tate??? What's up with the shaved pits?
One act left. Dee brings the boys out in full drag!
Twisted Sister closed out the show with a big fucking bang!
Some more out-of-order pics. This one is Chadd leaving on Thurday I believe. Using his crutches.
Our neighbors at the campsite.
More neighbors.
Marines on their way up to the stage.
Chadd contemplating whether or not he is going to stumble over to a port-a-potty or just drop trow and take a shit right here.
The trash can in front of the entrance to the grounds.
Marine and Major Legs stopped by our campsite for a few adult beverages.
One of the neighbors got a feel of USMC abs.
I'm pretty sure there is something in the United States Marine Corps handbook about letting drunk concert-goers try on your uniform.
We exchanged biz cards and e-mail addresses with our new friends.
Mouse looks pretty happy. Either that or just scared shitless because Major Babe was twice as tall as she was.
Cruel joke. I told Chadd that if he put a bottle cap up to his ear he could hear the ocean. He walked around like that for an hour and a half.
Looks like that Marine is copping a feel of Mouse's rock hard abs!
This shot pretty much sums up the trip!